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“You look beautiful in that shade of blue!”

I couldn’t help but stop and tell the perfectly put together woman at the hotel breakfast how lovely she looked this morning.

Her silver hair was neatly brushed back into a chic chignon, silver earrings framed her face and the sparkles of her navy blue sweater dazzled in the light.

Her eyes were kind and I noticed how she easily made conversation with everyone around her.

Still, she insisted with a smile that she needed to get back to her room to put her makeup on and “make herself beautiful.” No! I told her, “you already are beautiful!”

The exchange was fleeting, but I have a feeling the woman’s kind, soft face will stay with me. Her impeccable style and the warmth and kindness that radiated from her clear eyes was striking and while I could have simply observed her advanced style and moved on with my day, I’m glad I took the opportunity to tell her how beautiful she looked that morning.

So often we observe someone who is kind, beautiful, brave or strong in their own unique way and simply go about our day. My challenge to you is that if you see something wonderful, or see someone sparkling in their own way, take the time to tell them.

The Etiquette of Giving Compliments

When it comes to giving and receiving compliments, the rules are few and simple. Keep the compliment focused on the person and make sure it’s genuine.

Any compliment will be appreciated, but there is a way to make a compliment even more impactful. How? Drop the “I think” and go with “You…”

Take your compliments from basic to boosting with this simple switch:

I like your blue dress. → You look beautiful in that shade of blue.
I like your hair! → Your new haircut frames your face beautifully.
Great work on the proposal! → Your presentation was excellent!

The difference between the two is subtle but impactful. Instead of a general compliment “I like your blue dress” the compliment is made more specific to the person with “you look beautiful in that shade of blue,” while the focus is removed from the giver and onto the receiver by removing the “I like” and beginning with “You”.

The Etiquette of Receiving Compliments

Should you find yourself on the receiving end of a wonderful compliment, there is only one correct way to respond. Truly!

When someone pays you a genuine compliment, the correct response is always to say, “Thank you.” That’s it!

It would be in poor taste to offer a reflexive compliment, which is when you immediately respond with a return compliment.

Example:

Person A: “I like your blue dress!”

Person B: “Thanks, I like your purple shoes!”

Instead of offering a reflexive compliment, simply say thank you and make a mental note to return a genuine compliment in the future.

Example:

Person A: “You look lovely in that shade of blue.”
Person B: “Thank you!”

One week later…

Person B: “Your new haircut is stunning!”
Person A: “Thank you!”

Now, if you compliment a stranger or someone who you may not see again, don’t expect a compliment back–trust instead that they will pay the kindness forward.

Compliments to Avoid

I’ve shared examples of genuine compliments to share with others. These focus on personal traits or observations, but aren’t overly personal.

There are some subjects to avoid when it comes to compliments, even if your comment or observation is genuine, there are tricky subjects that can be difficult to navigate.

Compliment Areas to Avoid:

Weight loss (could be the result of hard work, or poor health)
Health issues
Brands (comment on the object, not the brand name)
House (focus on feeling, not size)

Traditionally, it was in poor taste to pay compliments about someone’s home, furnishing, food, clothes or furniture. While that is an “old rule,” it can be modernized by remembering to focus the compliment on how it reflects to the receiver. Compliment the object, not the brand, to keep the focus on the person instead of potentially making them feel self-conscious about the expense. For homes, focus on the feeling the home gives instead of the size, as again, it may make the receiver feel self-conscious or embarrassed.

Example:

“Wow, I’ve never been in such a big house!” → “You’ve created such a warm and elegant home.”
“I love your Hermès Kelly bag!” → “Your new handbag suits your style perfectly!”

There is nothing better than receiving a genuine compliment and giving one has the power to not only make someone else’s day, but yours, too. Simply sharing something kind and making that connection, with a stranger or a friend, is bound to boost both of your spirits.

Being able to lift someone up with your words is not only a kind thing to do, it is also a powerful way to create connections and deepen relationships.

Why not challenge yourself to give someone a genuine compliment today?

What’s the best compliment you’ve received? Share yours in the comments!

Interested in learning more about modern social etiquette? Register for a private virtual training today!